Definitive definitions undone

Two posts in one day. After a year. What does that say? I have been mulling these things I write over in my head for months, unsolveable problems that haunt my dreams. Literally, I blog in my sleep, turning to writing pages in my mind to figure out emotion. How typical to analyze what I cannot understand in feeling.

So, what defines a friend? And when is a friend no longer truly one?

I thought I had this one down.

I have only a few real friends who know my history, my life, my thoughts, my feelings, that I deny feelings. I cherish them, respect them, tease them, celebrate their successes, mourn their losses, keep up with the mundane and profane of their individual lives, worry about them, check in on them, support them, remember their birthdays, their children's names, their anniversaries, their peculiarities that make them unique, endearing.

I do what I expect from them, in short. Because it is who I am. Because it is a symbiotic relationship - one in relation to another always needs and gives, in full or part, as required to keep the organism of the created bond alive.

But what if a friend stops? What if they never really started, but you let them in without realizing? Gave your heart, your friendship, and now it is too late? The caring is there, the distorted bond formed?

I don't have this down.